i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
