Soap is not a condiment
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
