So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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