Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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