your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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