Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
