clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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