You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
