It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
