I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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