Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
