be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize