something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
