found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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