Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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