yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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