I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
