I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
