god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Randomize
