ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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