Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
