The maid of honor just puked.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Randomize
