Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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