Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
