Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
