I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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