i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
