My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
