Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
