I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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