ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let's get the cat blown out
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
