Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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