She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
