i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.