That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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