false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
