So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
