so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
