I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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