I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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