what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
