im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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