I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
