she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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