Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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