Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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