i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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