i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize