if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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