My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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