he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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