I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
