Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
