I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
