38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
