I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
dude. I can hear the air.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
