you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
