I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
