I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
