Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
