is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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