This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
