I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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