Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
