I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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