we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
