So drunk its hurt
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize