I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize