Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
