i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
