look no pants
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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