I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
