There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
