everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
