It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
