I didn't shave. On purpose
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
