Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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