Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
