Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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