how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
