Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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