there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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