did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
