two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
