Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
