Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
