Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
