Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
