Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
